5 Months – 52 Weeks, A Blog Dedicated To Lionel Larry

5 months – Wednesday August 26, 2015

On Sunday August 23rd, it was exactly 5 months since my Dad was no longer breathing and in physical form on this earth.  5 months.  What is interesting, is that before even connecting the date, I woke up uneasy.  I was in the shower having thoughts about how he died.  The l;chaim we all did right before he took his final breath.  I felt really connected to that time and very sad.  I then realized what the date was.  It is interesting how our body is so connected, without us even conciously realizing it.

A close friend of mine recently lost his Dad – also to cancer.   Going to visit at the shiva, it made me realize how far I have come from that place –  5 months further, but also how much it is still full of confusion, anger and deep deep sadness.  Grief is full of a mysterious web of testing the way you look at life – at least it has been for me.  I am sad as the summer comes to an end – grateful that it was there when I needed it most.   My goals for the Fall are to: take my guard down, cry more, let go.   I look forward to the time that I can find deep surrender and acceptance in my heart.  I know that time is far away, and in the meantime I take the beautiful moments that are in abundance in my life.  I hope I can start to feel him around me again – I have not in a while.  Someone told me that while you are still angry that your loved one has left this world, the spirit cannot connect with you.  I thought that was interesting, and definitely something I want to release.  I feel so much lighter, when I feel that he is around me.

Will leave you with these beautiful lyrics and song:

Thank you,