Week 5 - 52 Weeks, A Blog Dedicated To Lionel Larry

Week 5 – April 28, 2015

“Grief, after all, is the price we pay for love”

Grief really is a complex process.  It hits you when you least expect it, twists, turns, up, down, and side to side.  I felt a lot of anxiety this week, as well as a deep longing in my heart at times that felt so confusing and hard to truly process.  My mind still cannot fully understand or integrate all that has happened.

Someone told me yesterday, that after my Dads funeral – they learned what it was to be a parent.  She said that she definitely did not have that relationship with her father, and never will.  I realized in that moment how truly blessed I was.  I also realized why the grief is so intense.

I found this email to my father, while I missing him the other night.  Longing to feel a connection, I searched through and read old emails.  This was written to him 2 days after we found out he was palliative.  The cancer had won, and we all knew the reality of our situation (very limited time).  I really hope that my father allowed these words to sink in.  I hope he knew and appreciated how loved and incredible he was to all that knew him.   As human beings, we spend most of our lives beating ourselves up – we should really open our eyes to the people that love us and realize why – NOW.  I can only hope my children will feel this way about me one day.  I can only hope this might inspire other parents reading this to create this for yourself and your children.

February 12, 2015

Dad,

I want to first and foremost thank you for your constant commitment, dedication, support and unconditional love.  I could not have dreamed or hoped for a better father figure. I could not have dreamed for a better upbringing.  I grew up in a home filled with security, laughter, lots of adventure, love, energy, motivation to succeed in life and the fundamental core importance of family and friends.  You created all of that for us.  Your life has brought you so many gifts and blessings.  Your 3 children 3 in law children, 7 grandchildren, who all adore you so much.  A successful legal career, development career, and now a mortgage lending company.  You have always been so innovative, brilliant, and able to push through any challenge – evident by your desire and ability to push through this most recent challenge with the most fierce grace I have ever witnessed – truly.  Fierce Grace – that is what you are to me.

Just wanted to tell you that today and every day,

Love you and thank you for continuing to fight for us.

I am here for you and with you every step of the way.

Til Next Week,

Jodi