Week 9/10 - 52 Weeks, A Blog Dedicated To Lionel Larry

Week 9/10 – Saturday June 6, 2015

I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it. — Harry Emerson Fosdick

The past two weeks I have not wanted to sit down and reflect.  It seemed to painful and too beyond comprehension some times.  Every time I sat down – I found something to distract with.  When I found this quote, it perfectly described the thoughts and feelings around the last week.  Sheryl Sandburg came out with a powerful piece after the sudden and tragic loss of her husband.  It touched me.  It inspired me, and it scared me for what is coming for her.  The problem with loss is that it has no linear pathway.  It is the most spiral, intense, confusing and heavy emotion.  It is an essential part of life – we will all go through it.  It changes your soul.  The pain shifts you.  I am still uncertain as to whether or not you ever shift back fully.

This week my community experienced a terrible, tragic and incomprehensible loss of a special, beautiful and unique man  – way too young.  To me, BJ Nathan was the definition of FREE SPIRIT.   He gave this word new meaning.  When I think back on my pivotal years as a camper at Timberlane – BJ was an essential part of that.  He taught all he knew to love nature, adventure, music – but most of all to just be YOU.  Crazy, wild, mysterious you.  He accepted each person, and made you feel so free and comfortable.  Reading all the posts on facebook, and all the pictures and tributes – I was clearly not alone. Everyone that knew him felt a strong bond and pull.  Some people just connect;  they live in a way that most could not dream of living if they tried.  They take risks, love adventure and admire at the miracles and beauty of life.  They leave behind a legacy that is felt.  I know when most people think of BJ, they really “feel” something – he left that mark, more than memories – a left feeling.  We only can all hope to leave that mark – to affect so many beings, and touch lives in a way that is miraculous.  The mystery, is why these special and unique people also suffer.  I am starting to realize more and more how much tragedy is a part of life we can never escape.  Some are shielded from it more than others, but no one gets off scott free.  For whatever reason, tragedy, challenge, pain, grief and loss are an essential part of life.  The true challenge, is the true surrender to it all….how can we surrender when our pain and situation make no sense?  How do we accept.  How do we go on?  The world keeps turning.  We have to hope to stay open, and to live life with awe and admiration of the mystery.  We have to love and help others through their pain.  Maybe the quote above is true.  I sit hear on the lake the sun is setting – pure beautiful nature.   Breathing deeply, trying to surrender to the confusion and pain.  I listened to this old classic song this week.  I will finish with this.  I feel there is so much truth to this amazing song:

“i’d rather laugh with the sinners, then die with the saints – the sinners are much more fun – only the good die young” –

Til Next week,

Jodi